Dreaming.In.Reality

I broke down a bit earlier while feeding Lucien. My mom and I had just finished changing his manky shorts and getting his pjs on him. She was snuggling him up telling him how much she loved him and it just broke my heart. I never gave much thought to what it’d be like having my parents so far away when Kev and I had a baby. I’ve been thinking lots about it now and let me tell you, it fucking sucks.

I hate that I’m sending my mom home Friday morning, I know she’ll be back at Christmas time but it still makes my heart clench to think of how hard it has to be for her. Then there is my Dad. He was here for a very short 5 days and I don’t know when he’ll be able to come visit again. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go there and visit. I’m going back to work after the New Year and vacation time will be next to none sadly :( When I was working here from home, I had the flexibility in my projects to take a week here and there. Being in an office or retail won’t afford me that luxury.

I keep thinking that when my dad was here, he didn’t get to hold the baby enough. Lucien was an outright terror while he was here, so that played part of it. I said, I will make sure my mom is holding Lucien as much as possible. Here I am with her being here for just over 24 hours more, and I don’t think she’s held him enough. I want to take her out tomorrow but at the same time I want to stay in and just make sure she has enough time with him.

I hate knowing that they’ll miss a lot if not most of this baby growing up. I hate that the only way they’ll see him for the most of it is through photographs. I hate the distance.

Lucien checked out ok today. He’s currently 10 pounds and 22 ^3/4” long. The main reason for today’s visit was to have him checked for Torticollis. We had noticed in most of the photographs, ok ALL of the photographs of Lucien that his head was tilted to the left shoulder with his chin pointed up and to the right. I’m sure those of you privy to the family photos will notice it now that I’ve mentioned it.

Good news, it’s not serious. Very mild. There isn’t any decrease in mobility and all that. So we get to continue to encourage him to sleep in different positions so that his head is turned in various directions while he snoozes, baby massage on his neck and lots of tummy time to encourage him to move his neck around.