long distance
I broke down a bit earlier while feeding Lucien. My mom and I had just finished changing his manky shorts and getting his pjs on him. She was snuggling him up telling him how much she loved him and it just broke my heart. I never gave much thought to what it’d be like having my parents so far away when Kev and I had a baby. I’ve been thinking lots about it now and let me tell you, it fucking sucks.
I hate that I’m sending my mom home Friday morning, I know she’ll be back at Christmas time but it still makes my heart clench to think of how hard it has to be for her. Then there is my Dad. He was here for a very short 5 days and I don’t know when he’ll be able to come visit again. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go there and visit. I’m going back to work after the New Year and vacation time will be next to none sadly :( When I was working here from home, I had the flexibility in my projects to take a week here and there. Being in an office or retail won’t afford me that luxury.
I keep thinking that when my dad was here, he didn’t get to hold the baby enough. Lucien was an outright terror while he was here, so that played part of it. I said, I will make sure my mom is holding Lucien as much as possible. Here I am with her being here for just over 24 hours more, and I don’t think she’s held him enough. I want to take her out tomorrow but at the same time I want to stay in and just make sure she has enough time with him.
I hate knowing that they’ll miss a lot if not most of this baby growing up. I hate that the only way they’ll see him for the most of it is through photographs. I hate the distance.
November 15th, 2006 at 3:30 am
it’s funny, just when you think you’ve gotten used to being on your own, making your own way in a different place…sometimes it really still does hit hard and suck terribly to be away from everyone and everything you’ve ever known. i still get homesick from time to time, and it’s easier being that its just me. i do think about if i have a kid tho and how much my dad loves kids and it will break my heart for him to be so far. but no matter the distance your parents will love little L as much as they would being right with him. hopefully things shift to where trips can be easier and more efficient. props to you for being one tough mama and i hope you enjoyed every second of your visit…little behind on my bex reading, i forgot you were posting everyday :) love it…off to read more :)