Dreaming.In.Reality

Today marks one month of life for my little man. As we settle into a routine (or we like to think we are) it feels longer in time, but in the same breath I can sit back and marvel at the newness of it all. Has it settled in yet that I’m a mommy? I’m not really sure. However, I find myself just amazed at this tiny creature that has turned our lives upside down, and I just love him to bits. Daily he comes up with a new way to fustrate both Kev and I beyond belief, but then makes us forget all about it by melting our hearts with this tiny sigh cooing sound. He’s learning how to be vocal outside of his normal squawks and squeaks, sometimes we awww and sometimes we just laugh as it is hands down the silliest sound we have ever heard. As much as I want time to stand still I cannot wait for him to be able to giggle and laugh with us.

Over the past month we have gotten lots of questions. I cannot answer for K at all but I can do some for myself. I feel like a broken record at times saying the same thing over and over again, but it shows that consitency is key -lol- The day my answers change, we should either be a) very happy or b) very worried, one of those two!

How are you feeling?
I’m breastfeeding a newborn that eats on average every hour and a half. How do you think I feel? Let me tell you. I am freaking exhausted. Everyone says, nap when he naps, but I can’t. When he’s napping, that’s the only time I have to myself or to sit with K and watch a movie. Of course I say this, and I have done nothing really in the time I “take for myself”. My house is filthy, the laundry is piled up, don’t even ASK about the kitchen. Today I vacuumed my living room for the first time in over a month. It felt good to take back that tiny bit of normalcy. Everyone says “don’t worry about the housework” and it’s like it’s my JOB to worry. So yeah…

Aside from being exhausted, I feel pretty ok. I’ve healed wonderfully from my surgery (at least from what I can tell), my scar is tiny and I have no pain. I think I have loss of sensation on the skin surrounding the incision but that’s normal and I’m ok with that. I won’t really know until the steristrips are finally peeled off and the skin has healed 100%. Mentally and emotionally I’m doing pretty well too. The first week home was a bit rough, I had the baby blues. I did some crying. I still shed a tear or two but it’s mostly when I stare into my sweet little guy’s face and get all blubbery emotional about how wonderful he is and how much I am in love with him.

How are you doing with being a Mommy?
I think I’m doing ok. He’s still alive and in one piece so I’ve got a good start! I won’t jinx myself by saying it’s easier than I expected it to be, but it is so far. I know this can change -lol- We’ve been lucky in the sense that L has been a relatively easy baby. As I expressed earlier, I worry. I worry a lot. Thank Heaven for K, because I’d probably worry myself into the ground without him reassuring me that everything is ok and that I’m doing fine. I’ve had a few points that I was really worked up because well, this is all new to me and I have NO idea what is normal and what isn’t normal. Like baby hiccups, baby hiccups TERRIFIED me for 2 days. Peeling skin. Newborns can be very peely, this I know now. I’ve become quite adapt at changing diapers very quickly while half asleep, and the dexterity of my toes has increased tenfold; makes for picking up things when your hands are full very easy. I can push a stroller and walk the dog at the same time, I’ve breastfed in public 3x now without feeling embarrassed, I’ve kept strangers from touching him while out and I’ve bit my tongue when he’s dressed completely in blue, wrapped in blue blankets and had me cooing over him about how i love my sweet little boy… and someone goes “Is it a girl or a boy?” -face palms- I’ve easily let other people hold him without feeling hovery or panicked and I love to show him off.

How are you doing with nursing? Are you feeding him forumla yet? Aren’t you worried about him being hungry?
Breastfeeding has come easy for us, which I am forever greatful for. L latched on really well from the start and has been a very eager consumer. At the hospital, because I had a C-Section my milk was slow to come in, so he had dropped quite a bit of weight. They were concerned of course and on the last night of my stay had suggested supplementing with formula to “top him up”. Not my first choice of action by far, but he was hungry and at that point I was willing for him to be full and comfortable. Thankfully not long after speaking with my nurse I noticed my milk was coming in and I wouldn’t have to worry about at least THAT part. Well in the first week we had L home, he gained back all the weight he lost in the hospital and was up to his birth weight by his first doctor’s appointment. I plan on breastfeeding L for as long as I can and that he’s willing to. My supply is good and I know how to keep it up so that there is enough to keep little L going. He’s eating well and gainging weight. I cannot wait to find out Friday how much he’s gained in the past 3 weeks. I won’t be supplementing with formula unless there is no other option available to us. I have been pumping and freezing milk to keep on hand in case of emergency or if we decide we need an adult’s night out.

How is K doing with being a Dad?
He seems to be doing very well with it. He is extremely helpful in making sure that both L and I are comfortable and happy. The first night home, we did a split shift. I fed L and then K took him downstairs for cuddles until he was hungry again so that I could sleep. I got good solid sleep that night. The next morning, I took L and then K slept for a long while. During our night feedings, K will take L if L gets the hiccups (which is often when he is laid down after eating), or just hang onto him while I run to the bathroom. It gives me unmeasurable fuzzy warm bunny feelings to watch K play with L. He loves to just scoop L up and snuggle him close. They’ll lay for hours on the floor doing movie time with L on his chest snoozing. He’s also extremely good at getting L to quiet down for the night, I smell too much like eats or something. It seriously makes me melt to watch the two of them together. I could watch them for hours.

How are you and K doing?
I think we’re doing very well adapating to being parents as well as staying partners, friends and lovers. I joked with K when we went camping a few years ago, that if we could put the tent we have together, without instructions and without killing each other we’d be good to go for the rest of our lives. That still holds true, but this baby business — It’s a much bigger tent, but we’re hanging in there. Sure we miss having time to ourselves, but we still make the time to get our hugs and kisses in. They may not last as long or be as frequent, but they’re still enjoyable. I had some moments in the past few weeks, where I was concerned about how K viewed me after going through labour and delivery with me. He’s no stranger to what things look like, but birth day everything was very different, and he saw everything. He also saw me most likely at my worst ever. All that taken into consideration, after asking him about it all, he said probably the most wonderful and amazing things to me. It was one of the moments that makes me love him all that much more just when I think I couldn’t possibly love him anymore than I already do.

How is Dutchess doing with the baby?
Dutchess is doing really well with the baby actually. She doesn’t really pay him too much attention for the most part. When we first came home, she had been sleeping with a blanket we had wrapped L up in while at the hospital to get her used to the scent. She was very excited to see me more than anything, but then insanely curious about what was in my arms. Over the past year we had been practicing the commands of “gentle” and “settle” in the event of us having a baby, so that was helpful in getting her brain to focus and chill out enough to let us in the house without spazzing all over the place. The first week she was very concerned about L crying and of course he smells AMAZINGLY interesting in every possible way to her. She doesn’t get in his face or try to get too close. She will sniff his feet and his hands, but we’ve warned her off of sniffing the face/head. Now she will lay or sit quietly at my feet while I nurse L, mostly sit so I can still reach her for some head pats with my free hand. I’ve also been making a point to give her more attention as the first week and a bit she was very lonely for one on one attention from me.

Have you lost any of your baby weight yet?
Yes I have. And then some. I gained 25 pounds with my pregnancy and I’ve lost to date 32 pounds. Once I get the all clear at my 6 week (but actually 9 weeks) checkup, I’ll be increasing my exercise to include some more vigourous activities. Right now I’m just walking and breastfeeding. Best diet I’ve ever been on!

I think that’s about it really.. so if you can think of anymore questions you seek the answers to, I shall try to answer them for you. And now, some pictures.

Linked image is very large. You have been warned!