a bit of writing.. from yesterday on the train…….
a bit of writing.. from yesterday on the train……
Not entirely sure how much of this will hit the blog or not, but we’ll see. Starting out with pencil, I already see my obsession with keeping a sharp point being a problem*L* Four lines in a notebook and it’s already pissing me off. So armed with my trusty pencil, I’m gonna take a walk with Scarlet, and see where we end up. God that first lurch of the brakes releasing makes my heart stop.. and the slow pull of the engine makes it break -sighs-
Amber Waves
I haven’t spoken to her in probably 2 months now? I believe it was shortly after my surgery.. Once upon a time, I used to worry.. what has she gotten herself into, what sort of trouble is she running with? When we were close, it was easy for me to see for myself.. now, with a continent and a border between us, I just have to take her word for it. When did I stop caring? I’m not exactly sure… Late spring maybe? When heartfelt promises became lip service…
Bedroom — you gave it up
on DVD and magazine –
you gave it up
a private rite of passage –
you gave it up
to every boy’s sweet dream
with their paper cuts
*sharpens pencil*
A Sorta FairyTale
It’s been four years since you left me sitting in the snow outside your door crying. I must have sat out there for hours, smoking like a chimney- a butt always in my hand as I alternated between dispair and rage. You eventually sat with me, then led me indoors and held me for hours. You held me as gently as you ever had, your hands brushing the hair from my face. The only difference this time was your touch was not one of a lover, but just of one that had caused great hurt. Over time I realized the dream was over… I wasn’t ever getting those days back.
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
I tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
You said that-
You’d take it
as long as I could
I could not erase it
And I’m so sad
like a good book
I can’t put this
Day Back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
*this pencil thing culd really piss me off..sharpens*
Wednesday
Years of dancing around the truth day in day out.. the same routine.. when the routine broke, I began to wonder exactly what was going on. We both had our secrets, I think you knew honestly that I wanted out. I couldn’t have made it more obvious, I never came around anymore.. when I did, it was never for long… Circling around,searching for the courage, reaching for the answers to my own heart’s questions.
with secrets we’ve been
keeping
Though you say you’re
not a Templar man
Seems as if we’re
circling for very
different reasons
But one day the Eagle
has to land
*sets pencil down and just listens*
I guess I’m somewhere out of Kingston.. I napped a bit*L* The smell of burnt coffee reminds me of cigarettes and late nights. The suits of Kingston have all descended upon the train with their frantic babble about workstations and how much their children are an incovienence. I never could imagine women, like the coffee gulping, muffin inhaling cold bitch(that talks at the speed of an auctioneer), next to me ever being a mother. Listening to her speak about her pre-teen kids like they were the nighbours dogs, that were dropped on her porch for the week smelling of poo or something.. made me cringe. I had to increase the volume of my headphones to block out her foul chatter as she attacked her coworkers over her cellphone. EEEEK! Apparently I need salvation too. -stares at the card she just placed on my drink tray- I watched her mouth the words, “Call me… My church will welcome you”. I am assuming I look like some lost creature. I know I look younger than I am today.. perhaps that’s why.. -drinks my sprite and hiccups-christ this stuff is deadly… *L*My death glare still works… After the card placing, I just gave her The Look. She’s uncomfortably shifted away from my side of the seats. I’ve had rather uneventful train trips the past 2 years, this by far and so far has been the most bizarre. My god how attached can she be to that damn phone? -peers through the seats at someone’s headlines on the papers- Hrm. Shania’s feminist manifestation newy country star gets radical on new album.. Shania the Feminist? I’ve only heard 2 songs from the new album, they sound musically like every other piece of shit song she’s put out… Her first single has such the crazy “I’m a stinky stalker” feeling to it, that it actually makes me uncomfortable listening to it.
There’s not as much snow down here. I’d say right now I’m 2 hours out of Toronto.. there’s patches of blue sky as some of the cloud cover breaks.. I supposed I should get back to writing about things I’d said I’d write about. But still.. where to start? I do not know.. I wish the windows in these trains opened so i could pitch her out onto the track! Ok… down to business.. -chews on her eraser and prepares to write-
sacrifice: 1.)Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim.
When I moved to Canada, I had to sort through my belongings.. I would estimate about 70% of that was either thrown out or donated to charity… Of what was left I’d say 95% of it was packed and left in storage. All I brought were my clothes, my music, and some things I didn’t want to be damaged by moisture. I gave pretty much my entire life up, to start a new one with K. My possessions, my family, my friends, my hobbies… Not once did I bitch and moan about it.. I just made the decisions that needed to be made, took what was necessary and went. Sometimes it just really bothers me, how people can be so tied down by material objects… I wish i could remember that line from Fight Club about your possessions owning you, not the other way around.
All I can say is, the train certainly had no shortage of heat this trip.. I’m actually enjoying the coolness of the station. My train boards at 11:30.. I guess it’s somewhere around 10:40. I went outside to Union but everything is mostly melting, very wet and dreary.. ugh… I’ve just remembered what I like least about November.. Wet, Cold, Mud. I can only imagine what MI looks like right now… Deadgrass thats over soggy, mud starting to appear whereever the ground is disturbed. Blech Blech Blech. Hopefully I’ll be able to upload some pictures.. I brought the card reader and I have the drivers to install so it should work -crosses toes- I wish it was close to boarding.. the welcomed coolness is now an annoying cold due to a door being opened behind me for construction. I’m tired and want to nap more, napping was so near impossible with that creature sitting next to me… It is looking promising though.. that the train at least at departure, won’t be too crowded.. at least until London.. At least I’ll get a few hours of sleep..
