So here I was today, cleaning my house.
So here I was today, cleaning my house.. taken care of the left over disasters that had occured during the 5 days before, during and after my wedding*L* I was washing out a vase, when I was listening to a song.. on the radio.. it’s by some teenage pop princess.. a rather NEW one.. but all in all.. and all I could get of the song was, she was telling someone to stop being something they are not.. and life is only what you make it. So on that, I began thinking about a close online friend of mine, who has a rather “perfection” seeking partner.. where anything and everything she does, is never good enough, or because of things she has done in the past.. ALL of those, make her a bad person, totally ignoring the good that she has done.. and the good person that she IS. And I can remember talking once, to her partner.. and all he wanted was her to be this or that.. and I asked him.. well she’s none of those.. and he said he knew.. but couldn’t accept all of that. Which made me think of OTHER things that happened in a relationship of mine, to where.. I basically told this fellow I was with, if you couldn’t accept something I have done, or may do.. or may have in my life.. .that you truely cannot accept me as a whole.. And if you cannot do that, than you truely cannot love me.. and I don’t want to be in that type of situation. Which is what I want the both of them to realize.. but there’s only so much one on the outside can do..
Which takes me to the thoughts of life is what you make it. Everyday, I see people online, on the news, in real life, bitching and whining about how miserable their life is.. or certain aspects of their life are.. well you know what? Quit fucking bitching about it.. quit whining about it.. your relationship with your partner sucks? Figure out what is wrong with it, work on it with that partner, if you can’t work it out or compromise? Then it’s time to make some serious decisions.. You don’t like your job? Well then, look for a new one that suits you better… Or go back to school or take a seminar that can better yourself to make that job easier or more enjoyable. You hate being out of shape? Being overweight? Then get off your ass, start walking and cut back on your food intake.. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT! NO one.. absolutely NO one can make your life what you dream or fantasize it being.. except for you. If YOU don’t do something about it.. then guess what.. it will just keep plodding along day after day, miserable as ever.. and so will you.
Which brings me BACK to the relationship of my friend.. and her partner… if you are so bloody miserable.. it’s time to wake up, be an adult and do something about it.. and actually try to figure out what a working and healthy relationship is about.. It’s not about trying to mold your partner into your dream date, it’s about existing and progressing together, still as two seperate individuals. Not easy, yes I know this.. but it’s the only way that both people can stay sane, stay healthy, and live.. If you are incapable of doing this, or compromising, then you most likely are not with the right person.. as hard as THAT is to accept. The following piece of literature, “The Art of Marriage” was read at my wedding.. and I only post bits of it with this.. because it is true.. and should be applied to any relationship that is desired to work.
- It is never going to sleep angry.
- It is at no time taking the other for granted.
- It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
- It is standing together facing the world
- It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
- It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
- It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.
- It is not looking for perfection in each other.
- It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
- It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
- It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
- It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
- It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
- It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
- It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
I hope that both of these people read this.. and I will make sure they get the link here.. and that it helps them.. in some small way.. if not.. I’m going to start charging them by the hour for counseling*L*
